The Problem With Moving...

... is that everything you own HAS to go with you.

For people who are not sentimental hoarders, they may find this is no problem.  Old junk?  Throw it away!

For people who ARE sentimental hoarders, like myself, this is a Big, Big Problem.

First off, just because we have all this stuff, doesn't mean we want all this stuff.  It's quite overwhelming, actually.  Memories everywhere, and no fortitude to throw any of it away.  I think, actually, negative desire to get rid of it.

Fortunately, I'm not a shopper-hoarder.  I don't go out and buy a lot of stuff and then never take the tags off any of it, or leave it in the original shopping bag...  No, my stuff is accumulated through a lifetime of interaction with other people, who shove things onto my being, and which I am then incapable of disposing of.

So.

Moving all of that is just about the biggest pain in the rear you can picture.  Not just the packing, the mountain of boxes, of sheer stuff... but the pain inside that goes with parting with any of it.

I did good, real good, packing up my house.  In fact, I threw away twenty trash bags, and donated four boxes, including a giant box of stuffed animals and another of clothes.

I am not going to lie.  When the garbage men took away that first huge load (I did it in a few so they wouldn't get stuck with everything at once and so I could slowly make my way through the house), I had a moment of teary panic.  I had to tell myself, "You can't climb into the back of that dumpster truck, nor would you want to.  It's disgusting.  The stuff was trash.  If it wasn't, it is now.  Let it go."

Contrary to the mantra that, "It gets easier", it doesn't.  It really doesn't.  I think, if anything, you develop a stronger and more impulsive grip on things you still have.  It's like all your mania was spread over all these things, and with half of those things gone, you have twice as much mania for the remaining things.  But I managed to pack, and ship all my stuff away, and leave a lot of it in a landfill (sad face) back where I came from.

The thing about not being a shopper-hoarder, is that at least my stuff hasn't increased since then.  But it's still too much.  We moved from a three bedroom house with a full basement to a two bedroom apartment on the second floor.  We're swimming in boxes, and truthfully, I think most of it's mine.

I probably know, that most of it's mine.

So I made a pledge to myself that went something like this:
"I will throw away one thing, everyday, until I have an acceptable amount of things."

It may sound strange, but I am a minimalist at heart.  When I moved to Japan, I took two suitcases.  The airport stole one.  I survived just fine with one suitcase... for three years.

Now, of course I bought things while I was in Japan.  And a lot of those things ended up shipping back home with me (ugh).  But the point is, I felt free, happy, and unencumbered.  I loved that.  (I missed the half of my stuff that didn't make it... but... hey, whatareyagonnado.)

Today I should have throw away my 24th "thing".  I've "thrown away"... two.  One was a book that molded (BIG SAD FACE) and the other was a wallet that technically I gave to Andy because his fell apart, but I'm counting it anyway.

So today, I made the heart-string-pully decision to catch myself up and I started going through boxes.  A few of the things were easy, but when I could open a box and just go, "Nope, nothing in here" and close it... I'm in for a rough time.  So here's the things I threw away:

1. Kinex Big Ball Factory Instruction Manual
2. Kohl's Internship Lanyard with attached bracelets, nametag and pin.
3. Stuffed cow doll.  Present from high school friends.
4. Marching band saxaphone lanyard (to hold up sax while playing and marching).
5. Tiny stuffed dog with elongated velcro arms.
6. Gameboy Advance Pokemon Ruby instruction manual.
7. Waitress money collection/book thingy.
8. Starcraft Strategy Guide.
9. Brood Wars Strategy Guide.
10. Guard's Uniform shirt.
11. WoW Burning Crusade instruction manual.
12. City of Heroes quick start guide (they closed it down!!)
13 - 15. Gargoyle statues
16. Stuffed claw machine dog.
17 - 18. 2 Portal MTG decks.
19. The figurine from the top of my graduation cake.
20. Toy skeletal dragon.
21. Lipton bottle I was using as a pen holder
22. Old Starter ballcap with the Chinese symbol "star" from an ex when I was in high school and that will never fit my fat head again.

So with the moldy book and wallet, that makes twenty-four and I am all caught up :P

In My Heart

I don't think I need to go into some long-winded, flowery, million-times-voiced explanation of how music affects me. I think by now, it's just something people understand - music is powerful.

When I was in high school I listened to a lot of heavy metal and hard rock, also punk a little ska and (regular?) rock. No death metal - I couldn't understand what they were screaming, so what was the point? A lot of death metal sounds suspiciously the same to me. Loved me some MudVayne, Slipknot, Coal Chamber...

One thing I notice about the music I grew up with - all in all, it just seemed hopeful. It was about where you would be, where you would go, who you loved... The beats moved and it made you smile.

I listen to four radio stations. One is a college station that plays primarily rap. One is a generic "current" rock station. The third is a special mix of the 90's, 00's and now. The last is a country station.

A year ago, I never touched that last station.

Then, I started noticing how much I hate today's music. Not at first. At first it's catchy and fun. But the lyrics start to sink in. They carry a heavy message of hopelessness, depression and anger.

Katy Perry sings about her drunk whorebaggery... and how she'll do the exact same thing next week!

One song I turn off immediately when it comes on has the lyrics, "they be treatin' you like a slave, throwin' chains all up on you" and then I click it off.

GaGa's "Edge of Glory" is the same four notes with her basically just repeating the chorus.

Over.

And over.

And over.

It's boring. It's mind-numbing. And it's the same 12 songs played in an endless shuffled loop. I need stimulation. I need NEW music.

I need hope.

So recently, I started poking at that fourth radio station. Sometimes a song here or there to break up the monotony, but more and more I find I just leave it on. This is quite startling to me, as (maybe as recently as a year ago) I would rather stab my ears out than listen to country.

Even scarier - I actually know the lyrics and sing along with a few of the songs... know a few of the artist's names... want to listen to the songs when I'm NOT trapped in a car...

I've been doing a lot of "What the hell are we gonna do"ing. Not necessarily soul-searching, but equally as important. Now, more than ever, hope plays a key role in my mood from day-to-day.

There is hope on the horizon for me. It may involve an awkward and sudden move a quarter of the way across the country, but I have a lot of support from my significant other and I'm really thinking it might be the best play.

So, about the country station:

I'm finding more and more I like the music here. Don't get me wrong - I still don't like a lot of it. But I like a lot more than I did. Country singers still get it - they still sing about hope and love and feeding your dog (?). So I want to share a very appropriate song for my situation and I hope you all enjoy it.

If, like I used to be, you can't listen to country without having a brain bleed, I'll also just post the lyrics and listening will be optional.

Two lines that really stand out for me:

Get lost and get right with my soul

and

Maybe it's the feeling or maybe it's the freedom

So please enjoy Rodney Atkins', "Take a Back Road". Be warned, it's catchy :)



Sit in that six-lane backed up traffic
Horns are honking, I've about had it
I'm looking for an exit sign
Gotta get out of here, get it all off my mind
And like a memory from your grandpa's attic
A song comes slippin' through the radio static
Changing my mood
A little George Strait 1982

And it makes me wanna take a back road
Makes me wanna take the long way home
Put a little gravel in my travel
Unwind, unravel all night long
Makes me wanna grab my honey
Tear down some two-lane country
Who knows
Get lost and get right with my soul
Makes me wanna take
Makes me wanna take a back road

I've been cooked up, tied down, 'bout forgotten
What a field looks like, full of corn and cotton
If I'm gonna hit a traffic jam,
Well it better be a tractor man
So sick and tired of this interstate system
I need a curve and wide-a-twistin'
Dusty path to nowhere
With the wind blowing through my baby's hair

Yeah, makes me wanna take a back road
Makes me wanna take the long way home
Put a little gravel in my travel
Unwind, unravel all night long
Makes me wanna grab my honey
Tear down some two-lane country
Who knows
Get lost and get right with my soul
Makes me wanna take
Makes me wanna take a back road

Some ol' back road

Maybe it's the feeling or maybe it's the freedom
Maybe it's that shady spot
Where we park the truck when the things get hot
Yeah we park the truck when the things get hot

And it makes me wanna take a back road
Makes me wanna take the long way home
Put a little gravel in my travel
Unwind, unravel all night long
Makes me wanna grab my honey
Tear down some two-lane country
Who knows
Get lost and get right with my soul
Makes me wanna take
Makes me wanna take a back road.

Some old back road, get right with my soul
Now all I gotta do is take some old back road
To the shady spot where things get hot
Way down, way down, way down some old back road