Pat Yourselves on the Back

Hello everybody, and may I also say WOW.

From comments here to mails in my box, I have gotten tremendous support from you guys and you all rock my socks off. (Seriously, cannot wear socks for like 6 months, they have been rocked so hard, and so far.)

There are a lot of things in motion right now. I am trying to set myself up for success and I've made some hard decisions and spent more time on the phone in the last 48 hours than in the last 2 months, combined :P

As far as I know, my head is healing fine and my hand is doing much better today! The road rash is still very sore and the scabs tear a little easier than one would hope but I think I'll be okay ;)

Hopefully I will come bearing good news, and soon! But for now I want to tell you all to just give yourself a big pat on the back because you guys are totally awesome. I have a recognized terror of failure and even thinking about changing the IH schedule put me in tremors. My good friend, going for a PhD in Psychology recently did a career counseling session for me.

Probably one of the biggest things I took away from him was when he looked me in the eye and said, "It's okay. It's okay to fail. It's okay to give up sometimes, or try again later. It's okay."

It sounds stupid but I burst into tears because it's so much harder to live with that understanding (for me) than to just get it. You guys have been amazing friends, backing me up even when I'm falling and I thank you for it.

I love you guys!!! My colleagues, my fans, my FRIENDS!!

Day in the Life

The lady across the street was outside. We liked her, even had an affectionate nickname we called her behind closed doors, dealing with the amount of tobacco she could ingest in one short sitting. Her dog is four years old, a terrifying looking beast that is sweeter than honey.

She - the dog - is best friends with our puppy. He used to be afraid of her, but now that they're the same size, he likes to run as hard as he can to make her chase him. She bites him on the ruff and leaves long tracks of drool. Great.

We don't say much to each other while our dogs visit. It's merely a companionable moment of time, filled with excited canines and banalities.

Her head turns to me, blonde hair dancing slightly in the breeze. "So," she asks, awkwardly. I feel a moment of alarm. This seems like the intro to a Big Question. No place for that in our banalities.

"What exactly do you do?"

I glance down to the pavement. I'm a little ashamed, to be honest. I'm not where I thought I'd be when I finished college 6 years ago - graduating a semester ahead of my incoming class. I spent three years in a foreign country, seeing the world and learning about myself. I grew up, but what do I do? It was a question that struck fear into my heart.

I cleared my throat, stalling. "I... deliver pizza." I said it, but it sounded hollow. She blinked at me, as if I were lying. Trust me, I thought, with a vocabulary like mine, I understand your confusion.

"Oh." Seriousness sloughed away. She was content with the answer. "Okay."

Tell her the truth, my conscious whispered. Tell her what you really do.

I shouldn't hide it. I should tell her. My conscious was correct - why was I afraid? Did I think she would judge me? What did I care? If I spent all that time across the ocean and couldn't even stand up for my beliefs, what had I really learned?

I cleared my throat again, meaningfully. My voice exploded from my mouth in ringing tones, surprising even myself.

"Wait," I boomed, her back was starting to show to me. I might lose my moment, the window where I could show I was not a coward. She looked back, a wary query in her eyes.

I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. "Actually, I am an author."

Exciting at the End

Ever read a book and realize SO MUCH happens at the end?  I feel like the lion's share of the action is really coming in the last half.  This worries me a little, for if it's not gripping enough in the second half, it may be put aside.  I've put a number of books aside for this reason (it's just not picking up and I can't slog through it anymore!).  I don't feel my story is doing this, not entirely, but then, I'm biased.

One of my good friends gave me an excellent criticism about the story.  I have almost finished the first draft, and it is something I will keep foremost in my thoughts when I start my serious revisions.

My fiance also gave me a very good criticism today... it made me laugh a little.  "All your characters sound so... smart!"  "I'm smart," I answered.  "Yeah, well, all your characters can't be, too."  This will also be good to know during revision time :)

It's nice to have amazing friends (and fiances)!  And by that, I mean friends (and fiances) who tell you honestly there is a problem, not just pat you on the back and say good job.