Saturday, July 2, 2011

What Follows

I don't consider myself a particularly clumsy person. Yes, as I've gotten older my reflexes have dimmed and as I've gained weight I'm not as flexible as I once was. But I don't think I'm below average and I can still beat my 13-year old brothers every time.

But the fact remains: If it is sharp, I will probably cut myself.

It seems pointy things are always trying to enter my body. I'll leave that to your individual sensitivities as to how you'd like to interpret.

I seem to have a knack for nicking. Aside from obvious things, like cutting my hand while preparing vegetables for dinner, I get in some pretty outrageous circumstances. For example, I will never NOT step on the plug of an electronic if it is not properly stowed. (That HURTS.) Curse you vacuum cleaner!!

I'm sure you all remember my post about getting stitches from work.

Here are a few of the things I've done (and possibly have scars from.)

While cleaning my food processor, I tipped the container and the blade fell out. Instead of letting it fall, I caught it in mid-air and have a 1-inch scar on my hand to prove it.

At work, I leaned against the corner of the wall while talking to a co-worker. The corner had that protective, soft rubber weather striping. I leaned on the only nick in the striping, where a jagged piece of metal poked out about 2mm. I cut my elbow open and bled enough to need a band-aid :P

We are doing some painting in our house to freshen it up and also because the paint was 30% of normal cost. We ended up painting the bathroom ceiling and supplies are lying about a little willy-nilly. The hammer was laying on the floor in the doorway of the 2nd spare bedroom that is the beau's quiet time room. (The 1st one is where I write!) I try not to move their supplies so they always know where they are.

I went into the bedroom looking for the scale. I stepped on the nail-removal end of the hammer. I didn't find the scale. I left the room and checked around the house. Decided to check that room a second time. Stepped on the sharp end of the hammer a second time. Left the room. Still couldn't find the scale. Decided to check a third time (seriously, where the hell did the scale go?) I remembered the hammer and stepped over it. I stepped on the corner of the vent's grill cover instead. DAMMIT.

In conclusion, if I ever come to visit, please round the corners of your furniture, stow away all electrical plugs, hammers and unattached vents, check your weather striping, don't let me help with dinner and keep me in one place :P

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