Thursday, August 4, 2011

Captain American't

You may remember my glowing review of Green Lantern.

I'm writing a series about teens with superpowers. Obviously I like this kind of stuff.

But for everything good about Green Lantern, Captain America sucked floppy donkey schlong (pardon my language).

Some of the jokes were funny, but the actors' timing was poor. It felt forced. In fact, in a huge movie theater with the sound so high the ceiling is shaking, the actors mumbled so much I couldn't understand the dialogue.

Hugo Weaving (better known as "That Bad Guy From the Matrix" or "V") is an incredible actor. I loved his performance. I wish he hadn't been stuck with such droll dialogue, but at least he managed to put a great deal of life into it.

Other than Hugo, I liked the costumes and a lot of the cars, especially the Hydromobile, as I called Johann Schmidt's transportation. And Samuel L. Jackson, because if you don't like him in any given movie, he has a federal contract that says he can come punch you in your face (even if you are pregnant or wear glasses). So, I liked him.

When all the bad reviews started coming out about Green Lantern, I was skeptical of the movie. I wanted to see it - so I did... and loved it. The more reviews I saw the more I thought, "Either you didn't watch the same movie as me, or you have been paid to badmouth it by a rival studio". I could not understand the fiery loathing the reviewers poured onto the hapless head of beautiful Ryan Reynolds.

Then Captain America came out and got glowing reviews. "It's everything Green Lantern wasn't...", "the acting was superb...", "If you see one movie this summer, see CAPTAIN AMERICA!".

The only one of those reviews that was correct was the first - everything Green Lantern wasn't... because Green Lantern was awesome and Captain America was physically painful, it was so disappointing.

I get it - it's supposed to be a set-up for the Avengers movie next year. It's supposed to build tension and make you anticipate something in the future.

The only tension it built in me was an aggravation at having a wallet six and a half bucks lighter. Don't see this movie in theaters. Wait until it comes to Redbox and rent it for a dollar. Or better yet, wait until you have one of those $.50 weekend coupons from Redbox and THEN rent it. Or BETTER, rent something ELSE, get offered a FREE rental and get Captain America.

You'll thank me later.

1 comment:

  1. Ahh. JE, didn't your Mom say if you can't say anything nice...?
    I watched it twice (a story for another time) and even in a theater with my really bad hearing, most of the dialog was understandable. Since I'm not at all versed in the mythos, the overall plot was not as clear. Weaving was indeed great.

    Alright, I agree, it wasn't all it should have been. But worth a dollar, I think.

    Thanks for sharing.