Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Feedback for "Cheater's Pass"

Time to ante up your opinions for me, again, dear readers! Up for your scrutiny is my current WIP, "Cheater's Pass". It is the first in a YA novella-length episodic series named Icarus Helix. Today I give you: the draft of the cover and (complete) product description. Please, be honest! Also, please consider the cover before you read the product description. I'd also like to know how well you think they tie together.

How far would you go for money? For Marcus Tiller, gambling debt was an overwhelming shadow on his life. As a neonatal attendant at St. Mercy Four Cities Hospital in need of cash, he became CGT-Inc's ideal pawn. The contract: secretly inject newborns with an experimental compound - for $1,000 a head. But, three years after he began, he disappeared.

Now, 14 years later, the effects of the compound are starting to show. 17-year old Ian Reynolds, an aspiring varsity football player, suddenly finds he can control things with the power of his thoughts. Footballs miraculously end up in his hands, girls' skirts catch sudden drafts and life is good. But the power comes with a price, both physical and mental. When a stranger suddenly comes into his life, leaving cryptic notes and the big rivalry with the Waredo Firehawks looming, will Ian decide his power is best left... undiscovered?

This novella is the first season, first episode of the Icarus Helix series. Each novella in the series is intended to stand alone. They may be read in any order. The approximate length is 20,000 words.


  1. I like the gritty background! The DNA strand at the top is a nice touch too. Is the sport of football going to be tying in pretty tight to the story itself? Makes me think of a sports book with a nice twist...

    Also, very good description below! Good stuff!

    - Nick

  2. Well I tell ya, the cover doesn't shout "this is a story about psychic powers" to me. I think it's good, though.

    One thing on your blurb. That last sentence needs some work. Maybe split in two. ie - Then a stranger comes into his life leaving cryptic notes. With the big rivalry coming up...

    Know what I mean?

  3. I think the description is good! I wonder about the cover though. Are you targeting this to guys only? I would change the cover a bit to appeal to guys and gals.

    Angeline Kace

  4. Yeah on first "pass" (pun intended) I really liked the branding of the cover. But it will likely turn off the girl demographic--which is a HUGE market. Boys don't read nearly as much as girls and that cover shouts BOY!!
    I like it all very, very much, though. Looks quite professional and the "jacket copy" is tight.